Paytra's Reunion Story.
The knowledge
Since the age of six I
always thought I was adopted. I can remember asking my mother if I was
adopted and she always told me no. I would let time pass for two years
usually and then ask again, and she would reply, "Would that mean that
I love you any less?" I would say no. I couldn't understand why I always
thought I was adopted. It was an inner feeling that would urge to me ask.
I had great parents who adored me, especially my dad -- I was daddy's girl,
for sure. I also had a brother who was nine years older than me. We didn't
look very much alike, and because of the age difference. It was like growing
up as an only child, but I always liked that I had an older brother to
watch over me.
Court House
When I was six and a half, my
mother and father took me to the Court House where I had to declare my
desire to become a citizen of the United States. I was very frightened,
but I had a pretty new dress and a little American flag to wave. When I
asked why I had to do this, my mother told me, "In case a war breaks out,
you would want to be an American." But she didn’t tell me why no other
little girls had to do this.
German Birth Certificate
Through my 20's I spoke to close
friends about thinking I was adopted, but they all thought I was a bit
crazy to think such a thing. How dare I? But at age 29, things changed.
I was married with one child, and I was still curious, and everyone in
my family still told me I wasn't adopted. My birth certificate, which was
all in German except my name, was so different from my son’s birth certificate.
I wanted to know what it said in German. I went to a local German restaurant
with a new neighbor who had encouraged me. I finally had some support,
and it felt good! It had to be a new person in my life because everyone
who knew me thought I was nuts or dreaming this up. At this restaurant,
the waitress told me that it was a legal document that said I was born
in Germany. Then she said, "It is an idiot paper." I asked what that meant
and she told me it was not my original birth certificate, just a copy of
it. I was on to something!
I then wrote to the German
Consulate and told them I needed my original birth certificate and gave
them the document number of the one I had. It took almost four months to
receive my original birth certificate! I was very nervous opening
it and when I calmed down I saw that it was written in German with English
translation underneath it. Where it said "Mother" it had a name I had never
seen before " Elfriede Hamer", and where it said "Father" it was blank.
I went into complete shock at that moment. I was feeling so many emotions
all at once, but mostly disconnection from "me". Who am I and where did
I come from? I had so much anxiety and anticipation that I wanted answers
to all my questions right then and there. But I couldn’t go to my mother
and brother since they had always kept this truth from me. Also my father
had died and he went to his grave with this truth. I figured out that everyone's
plan was to always keep the truth from me.
Birth-mother Elfie and Paytra
on the bank of the Rhine River
Who am I?
I was told of a German newsletter
"Geborner Deutscher" for German-born adoptees. I called the editor and
told him what I had just discovered. He explained that records were open
in Germany to anyone over the age of eighteen and that I could write for
a copy. Sure I could -- I was 29 years old! So I did just that, and asked
them to pull my files out of the archives from 1960, and said I
was planning to come to see them. I also pleaded for anyone in Germany
to help me findmy birth mother. I didn't speak the language or know the
country or anything! A woman in Munich named Jenny left a message on my
answering machine that I could stay with her and she would help me. A Christian
woman, she was an adoptee who had done her search in America. She said
that as she was reading my plea the Lord told her to call me and help me.
I am also a Christian woman and I do believe that God did this. He could
see the whole picture. For so many years I begged Him for the truth, asking
Him why did I think I was adopted and pleading with Him to reveal the truth
to me. He not only did that but He also sent me the angel to help me. God
is so good! So I responded and made reservations to go to Munich, Germany
for two weeks where I would stay with Jenny and look for this woman named
Elfriede Hamer to find out exactly who she was, and for that matter,
who I was! Because I was representing a new hair care line, I told my mother
I had to go to Germany to talk about the hair products (which I did do).
My husband was supportive and would watch our son so I could go. Nothing
could stop me. I was so driven. I had to find out what happened and who
I truly was. It was my utmost priority and I could think of nothing else.
I had to take this journey, and fast!
My Mama
As I was packing for my flight,
Jenny called me. It was midnight in Germany. She said, "Paytra, I have
someone here who wants to say hello to you." I said, "Really, who?" She
said, "It is your mama, Elfie." I said, "My mama?" As I listened, this
woman said, "Petra, is it you? It’s Mama. Oh, my Petra." While I heard
crying I said, "Yes, it is me." Then Jenny said Elfie had collapsed in
her arms. She had to go but would call me back later. What a gift from
God that I found my birth mother before I even left New Jersey!
As it turns out my birth mother
Elfie would go to the Jugendamt (Hall of Records in Germany) once a year
to ask, "Is my daughter Petra looking for me?" And they would always tell
her no. She had been going since my 18th birthday and she always heard
no. Of course she heard no. I didn't even know I was adopted or that she
existed. Remember I told you I had written and asked for my adoption records?
Well, if you didn't believe in God or in miracles before, you will now.
That very day my birth mother went there and asked the man if I was looking
for her and he had my file, my letter and Jenny’s telephone number on his
desk. He said, "Yes, as a matter of fact she is coming to Germany tomorrow
to look for you!" He also told her where I would be staying and gave her
Jenny's phone number. My mother was in shock and cried out in joy. So that
was how I got to speak to my birth mother even before I left New Jersey.
Miracle after miracle, it was God helping me find the truth.
Creating the dream.....
On that eight-hour plane ride
to Munich, I had time to think. I realized that I was so very fortunate
to be able to afford this flight to Germany. What would I have done if
I couldn't? I felt complete despair and decided that no one should beunable
to get there for that first reunion! The seed of a dream for Chosen Children’s
Charities, Inc. was born. I knew it had to be named that because adopted
children are chosen children, and it would have to be a charity because
it would help people, adopted people. After all that we adoptees go through
-- searching, waiting, hoping that are birth parents will want to meet
us. That is more then enough for any human being! They deserve that reunion
and it should be available to them even if they can't afford to go. That
was when I realized that Chosen Children's Charities was going to be the
charity to make this possible for them! If I could have it, they can too!!!
Elfie and Paytra 
Meeting my Mother
When I arrived in Germany, I had
to search for Jenny. I had a photo of her and I finally found her. We hugged
and kissed one another like we were long lost sisters. I rented a car and
we drove to her apartment where my mother wanted to meet me. She thought
the airport was not personal enough. Elfie came in with flowers for me,
and I remember holding her and her crying. I was still unsure if she was
my mother or not, I needed proof. I was courteous, but I wanted facts and
I needed to hear it all. Elfie spoke no English so Jenny translated. She
was 18 and got pregnant with my father. They lived in a one-bedroom apartment.
I was conceived in love, she told me, but they didn't have the money to
care for me. So we went into a mother-daughter home while she nursed me
for 6 weeks. Then she was told she would have to leave because her milk
dried up. So she put me into an orphanage. She visited me every day after
her waitress job and took care of me for 5 months! Many wanted to adopt
me but the Sisters would explain that my mother is trying to get me out
of there. So for the very first time, I can now see why I had thought
I was adopted since I was six years old. It made sense. Ihad
bonded with my birth mother Elfie since birth for 5 months -- I saw her
face daily, was held and hugged by her, and heard her voice when she told
me she was my Mama and called me Petra. What a relief it was for me to
have that question finally answered.
My mother and I had a great
visit and she took out pictures of herself when pregnant with me and when
she was 18. We looked like we could have been sisters! It was such a great
feeling to see myself in her that I cried and held her. She told me that
my birth father also came to the orphanage to visit me, and she had pictures
of him, too. Sadly, he died two years prior to my arriving in Germany.
They were married the year after they gave me up for adoption and thought
they would have more children, but they never could. They had a wonderful
marriage but always missed me and regretted their whole lives giving me
away.
I had a great two-week visit
with my birth mother. We did everything together! We visited the hospital
where I was born. We visited the orphanage, which is now a home for retired
nuns. We even visited the apartment where they lived. There was only one
bathroom for the whole building. Plus we did all the fun things – a castle
tour, a dinner cruise on the Rhine, an evening at a "biergarten." It was
such a wonderful experience. I felt as if I stepped back into myself. I
was definitely outside of myself for a long time.
The adoption story
When I was five and a half months
old my adoptive mother and father and brother came to Germany (my dad was
in the army) and they decided they wanted to adopt a daughter. My adoptive
mother went to the orphanage. She was able to choose whom she wanted, and
she turned away the first two girls brought out. Then she saw me. She told
my dad that I was the one, I was her daughter! They did not listen to the
Sisters about my mother wanting me. So the Sisters told Elfie that she
had to make a decision because this woman from America wanted me and that
was it! So Elfie signed the papers and regretted it so. By age six months
I was in a new home, my family spoke to me in English only, my name was
Robyn, and the social workers reports said, "she is very quiet and remains
very still". After a few months I was okay. I loved my adoptive family
my whole life and still do, I just wish they had told me I was adopted.
They gave me the life of a princess and adored me so I have a lot to be
thankful for.
In 1989 after my return from
Germany, I sought counsel from an adoption therapist and author in New
York City on how I should tell my adoptive mother what I had just found
out. Her advice was not to tell her. I tried for 9 months not to say anything,
but I couldn't deceive her. So I did what I thought was right and told
her I knew I was adopted. She was in denial at first, but then I told her
I went to see my adoption records while I was in Germany. We both cried
a lot. She said she tried to tell me once at eight years old, but stopped
because I got emotional. Then she figured I was hers, and as I got older
she was afraid I would resent her for not telling me. I understand her
reasons but I wish I had known. Perhaps I would have been able to meet
my birth father instead of being two years too late. At this point I could
have hated her or loved her. But I don't believe in bitterness, I think
it can make one sick. I chose forgiveness, and loved her. Actually I love
her more as my adoptive mother, because of that orphanage story when she
picked me out and said I was hers!
Birth Mother meets Adoptive Mother
In 1991 my second son was born,
and my birth mother came over to see us and meet her grandsons. It was
her first trip to America! We had a wonderful time. She had learned more
English, but we still needed dictionaries to speak. I made sure she saw
The Statue of Liberty, the World Trade Center, Atlantic City, the ocean,
and how I enjoyed her living with us in our home! The best blessing was
when I asked my adoptive mother if she wanted to meet my birth mother (she
knew she was coming), she said, "Yes, I would love to thank the woman who
gave me my daughter." I asked my birth mother, "Would you like to meet
my mother?" She answered, "Although I will be extremely nervous, yes, I
want to tell her what a good job she has done in taking care and raising
my daughter into such a fine woman." Could I ask for more in life than
that? They met, they got along great, and they have become friends. When
Mama comes from Germany, which she has twice now, it is our tradition to
go out to dinner together and have a great time! I have enough love in
my heart for both of my mothers and they have enough in theirs for me and
for each other.
CCC was featured in Good
Housekeeping Magazine, June 2000 Issue. It featured Paytra's adoption story
and how she began CCC. Have you read it?
